I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
