I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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