I hate all girls vehemently.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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