I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
