You smell like stripper and shame
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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