the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
