Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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