I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
