You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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