I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
