I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just had sex bonerless
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
