It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
