I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
