I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I supernannyed him into submission
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
