Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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