You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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