just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think I have vodka in my lungs
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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