New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
