Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
