Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
