i barfeds in our rink
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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