dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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