Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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