Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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