Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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