I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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