I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
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you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
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Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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