I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize