I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
