I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
