no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
