this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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