I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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