I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
