fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
