his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We are two peas in an std pod
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
