So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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