I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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