I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Your cock deserves a montage
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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