his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
