Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
