Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
