Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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