Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.