I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
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The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.