so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
