i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
40s are totally the cure
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today