Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.