I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
home. puking in laundry basket.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.