I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles