you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
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Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
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I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero