You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
