you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
