i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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