Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
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just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
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I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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