Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
