I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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