We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
it's like iHOP with fire
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
