i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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