she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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