Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
