Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
