Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
