I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
