Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
