Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
