we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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