did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
