I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
