this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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