You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
