i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
