OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
