covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
